Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Michael Jackson's NEWEST will

Say what you want about MJ, the guy did not know how to take care of his money. Oh, was I supposed to say something good about him after that lead in?

The presses are hot and I have something from them. It's Michael Jackson's new will and testament. Needless to say.

- "To my monkey Theseus: I leave the roller coaster that crashes into another roller coaster. May he never ride it because there's a glitter cannon every five feet that shoots glitter, and he is allergic to glitter. Glitter and mashed potatoes. SHAMONA!"

- "To my diabetic lion Tapioca: I leave a lump sum of candy corn. I'm a kid at heart. And by that I mean I have a kid's heart, both in my garage and in my thoracic cavity. POPA P'PITAH!"

- "To my frog Mephistopheles: I leave the grand 20 gallon platinum toilet in which he lived like a King of the Magic Frogs. Also, throw in a glitter cannon, why not. HEEEEEEE HEEEEEE!"

- "To my horse Peach Magnets: I leave the two ton salt lick. Don't tell anyone it's really solidified pixie stick matter. I'm taking that secret to my grave. And I'm taking a gold casket with me. Suck it, Al Sharpton. JALOPITOOOOOMEEPA, HEEEEEEEE!"

- "To everyone else: Take care of Theseus, Tapioca, Mephistopheles, Peach Magnets, and the rest of my animal friends as they inherit my estate as well as my Beatles residuals. Blanket assumes sole ownership of my remaining wealth and the Cat Ferris Wheel. Remember the CFW is a perpetual means to power my circus house, so don't tell anyone of my discovery of alternative energy in the form of a Cat Ferris Wheel. I hope I'm thorough enough for you all. This is Michael Jackson. If you are reading this, you are the resistance. SHAPITAMONAHEEEEEE!"

Wow guys, what do you think? The internet is injected with truth milk......>>>>>>>/////?


  1. This is really disrespectful. What if his father reads this and it distracts him from advertising Michael's albums?

  2. JEREMY, it's going to be okay!