Monday, August 10, 2009

Don't Wanna Be An American Idiot

The way I see it, there are two ways of going about the transformation from American idiot to someone who's not an American idiot. Either be less of an idiot, or be un-American. I don't want to rid myself of idiotnessicism right now, so here are a few ways you can be un-American.

Instead of putting your hand over your heart while saying the pledge of allegiance, cross your fingers behind your back. Don't actually sing the song, either. It's better if you lip-synch, or close your eyes and plug your ears as to not be a part of such wretched a ceremony. If you really want to rid yourself of Americanism, pledge your allegiance to the "FΓΌhrer", instead.

When mother bakes a homemade apple pie, shove the whole thing into your mouth, and spit it into her face. The same applies at social events, class parties, or even pie-eating contests. If it's Thanksgiving, pumpkin pie is more appropriate for this practice.

Shun Football. Instead, lock yourself in your closet, and play Mexican Train with dominoes made in Thailand. Who's Brett Favre? If you can't tell me, you're well on your way. What college did Chris Perry go to? If you even know who Chris Perry is, I'd stop reading and make your way beyond idioticness, because this anti-Americanism guide probably won't do anything for you.

There you go, Mussolini. All you need to NOT be the American idiot. Stay tuned on the much-needed follow-up, explaining the whole "idiot" part...