New England Patriots: Tom Brady is not going to get hurt, people. Yet. Stay tuned for details.
Buffalo Bills: The TO Show went 1-15
Miami Dolphins: Resigned David Boston to a ten dayer. Just kidding. Twitter and the Tuna will MURDER YOUR FAMILY.
New York Jets: Leon
Houston Texans: Stop getting your hopes up. The masters of the 8-8
Tennessee Titans: I've got nothing.
Indianapolis Colts: No more Shooty Harrison, like he wasn't riding out into the sunset anyway? (Guns blazing)
Jacksonville Jaguars: The addition of Torry Holt's disgusting fingers will suffice. Suffice for what? I don't know, go away.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Big Ben hates pockets and the ladies?
Cleveland Browns: Mangenius? More like Mangiardia.
Cincinnati Bengals: Marvin Lewis. First to get fired, first in your hearts.
Baltimore Ravens: "Unibrower Power: Flac & co. get it done" -Baltimore Sun
Denver Broncos: Suck
Oakland Raiders: Sucker
Kansas City Chiefs: The logical progression would be suckiest but they are probably better than the last two teams mentioned.
San Diego Chargers: Norv Turner's skin flakes make great furniture. (what?)
Dallas Cowboys: "Romo Smitten? Love affair with Witten" -Baltimore Sun
Washington Redskins: I smell seven victories and sour cheddar flavoring
New York Giants: Whatever
Philadelphia Eagles: Vick and dogs and Vick and dogs and Vick and dogs
Atlanta Falcons: Ryan and cats and Ryan and cat and Ryan and cats (conspiracy)
Carolina Panthers: Hillbilly interception, call elias
Saints: who cares?
Bucs: Sorry, NOW WHOCARES?
Packers: Fuck 'em
Bears: Diabetus never won anything
Vikigns: FAVRE SIX TO MIDNIGHT From Peter King
Lions: stafford fat cheeks
Rams: sleeper, comatose
Seahawks: the most boring thing ever
49ers: this division, I mean my god