Sunday, September 6, 2009

Ten Minutes or Less: An entire NFL Preview

Starting NOW

New England Patriots: Tom Brady is not going to get hurt, people. Yet. Stay tuned for details.

Buffalo Bills: The TO Show went 1-15

Miami Dolphins: Resigned David Boston to a ten dayer. Just kidding. Twitter and the Tuna will MURDER YOUR FAMILY.

New York Jets: Leon

Houston Texans: Stop getting your hopes up. The masters of the 8-8

Tennessee Titans: I've got nothing.

Indianapolis Colts: No more Shooty Harrison, like he wasn't riding out into the sunset anyway? (Guns blazing)

Jacksonville Jaguars: The addition of Torry Holt's disgusting fingers will suffice. Suffice for what? I don't know, go away.

Pittsburgh Steelers: Big Ben hates pockets and the ladies?

Cleveland Browns: Mangenius? More like Mangiardia.

Cincinnati Bengals: Marvin Lewis. First to get fired, first in your hearts.

Baltimore Ravens: "Unibrower Power: Flac & co. get it done" -Baltimore Sun

Denver Broncos: Suck

Oakland Raiders: Sucker

Kansas City Chiefs: The logical progression would be suckiest but they are probably better than the last two teams mentioned.

San Diego Chargers: Norv Turner's skin flakes make great furniture. (what?)


Dallas Cowboys: "Romo Smitten? Love affair with Witten" -Baltimore Sun

Washington Redskins: I smell seven victories and sour cheddar flavoring

New York Giants: Whatever

Philadelphia Eagles: Vick and dogs and Vick and dogs and Vick and dogs

Atlanta Falcons: Ryan and cats and Ryan and cat and Ryan and cats (conspiracy)

Carolina Panthers: Hillbilly interception, call elias

Saints: who cares?

Bucs: Sorry, NOW WHOCARES?

Packers: Fuck 'em

Bears: Diabetus never won anything

Vikigns: FAVRE SIX TO MIDNIGHT From Peter King

Lions: stafford fat cheeks

Cards: warner.hurt.bookit.

Rams: sleeper, comatose

Seahawks: the most boring thing ever

49ers: this division, I mean my god



  1. Not awful. Maybe good. I appreciate the David Boston reference.

  2. So....Tom Brady's shoulder is okay?