Worst Movie of All Time?

Many people claim to know the worst movie ever, but they are wrong(unless they agree with my selections). Here are some rules: The movies have to be made by semi respectable studios or directors(no Uwe Boll or SyFy original movies) and the movie cannot contain too much unintentional comedy(no Uwe Boll or SyFy original movies) because then the movie can become too entertaining. Let's go!

Pet Sematary

This is a horror movie, yet there's actually not anything scary in this movie. I'm confused. There are, however, tons of scenes where they try to gross you out with really disgusting stuff. OMG, that ghost had his head ripped up! Scary!!!! Oh wait, he's a good guy that's just trying to protect everyone. Then there's the flashbacks, and dear God, these are some crazy flashbacks. Apparently the wife's dead sister had some disease that made her into a monster. It's scary because she's got that messed up back, is greenish, and makes weird sounds. I guess that makes her evil or something. She never killed anyone or did anything evil, but whatever.

This movie is also packed with heartbreaking scenes that would break your heart if you're a 13 year old girl. The negligent parents let their kid get hit by a truck. They're really sad, and you should be, too. The little girl asks if God can bring him back. Awwww? This is called foreshadowing. The director of this movie gets off to foreshadowing.

The movie goes on being effed up, but I feel like I should wrap this up talking about the creepiest part of the movie. Spoilers ahead if you care(you don't). After bringing his son back to life, the father then kills his son and the devil cat because the son just killed his wife and that old guy that doesn't matter. So...at this point the dude knows putting someone in an indian burial ground and bringing them back as zombie things is a stupid idea(go figure), but he decides to bury his wife anyway. Whatever. Well, his wife comes back and something pretty freaky happens. He totally starts tonguing her. Come on man, she's covered in blood and dirt. Make her bathe before you start doing the nasty. I mean, you just re-killed your son and a cat, you can't be that horny.

The Fourth Kind

I've never been a fan of movies that include footage that pretends to be real. Mostly because it's all total crap. This movie takes it to a whole new level. Instead of choosing between pretend real and fake, they go for both. Convolutedness ensues. The majority of the audience knows it's all made up, so there's no need to have the "real" and fake scenes side by side. It's just a mess.

Even if they did take out the real garbage, the movie still has nothing going for it. No scene in this movie really has any purpose. It never really goes anywhere. It kinda just stalls as some sort of mystery that I really don't care about because they gave me no reason to care. No character does anything besides cry or yell. The husband, who only appears in a flashback, has much more depth than any other character because he at least had the decency to kill himself.

Juno(I might've made a post about this earlier)

These guys sure do know the name a of a bunch of hip bands. They're are soooo cool! Vampire Weekend, Sonic Youth, Velvet Underground. Look how hip I am!

Juno sure does talk like she's really funny, but she's actually not. She can still call you coyote ugly or tell you to shut your gob, which is hilarious if you're an obnoxious douche. And she mentioned the Thundercats! That's a reference to a show. It's funny because one usually wouldn't say that when going into labor, but Juno's one crazy character!

I would talk about the other characters, but besides Jennifer Garner and Michael Cera, every other character is just another version of Juno. Full of crazy one-liners that no normal person would ever say. Michael Cera plays Michael Cera. Jennifer Garner is really boring. But hey, Rainn Wilson has a role in the opening scene, which is arguably the worst scene in movie history. This is one doodle that can't be undid, mutant sperm, etc. What the fuck is he talking about?

The sequel(Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist) isn't much better.


These are only thre of the many, many possibilities out there. Listing them all would take years. Feel free to add your own below...