Weekly Mocking of Sporting News

http://www.sportingnews.com/nfl/article/2009-11-20/nfl-week-11-ten-bold-predictions

1. Indy will finally go down. Though it's hard to argue with the Colts' karma (a missed field goal attempt and Bill Belichick's gamble saved them the past two weeks),

Hmm... No wonder these scouts are so good at what they do. When a team takes advantage of another team's mistakes, it's simply karma.

this does not look like a team that has the makings of an undefeated squad.

Yet, they're undefeated(I know, I know).

Injuries on defense are catching up to the Colts, who have given up an average of over 21 points in the past three games

I just love this. They make it sound like the Colts have struggled the past three weeks, but the only bad week was against the Patriots, who have an amazing offense. Points allowed the past three weeks: 35, 17, 14. I wonder if they even watch football games.

while winning by an an average of 2.7 points.

So, winning by small margins against a great team, a good team, and an occasionally good team is bad? I really don't understand.

Meanwhile, Baltimore's defense is allowing just 8.0 points over the last three games,

THEY PLAYED THE FUCKING BROWNS! If a defense allows a Brady Quinn-led offense to score a touchdown or even a field goal, they should be executed on the spot. Their famlies would understand. It's a matter of pride.

and despite the loss of Terrell Suggs, the Ravens have the ability to get after Peyton Manning and alter his rythym.

And you're basing this on what exactly? And I think you spelled "rhythm" wrong, but I'll cut you some slack because that's a weird word. Besides, you're too busy picking the Colts to lose every week.

Week 9 Colts' undefeated campaign ends in a shootout
Week 8 Bills will win Sunday . . . and make the playoffs(no relevance, but still funny)

2. Chargers will take AFC West lead. The Chargers have won two of their last three games in Denver, and we think they're going to make it three out of four. San Diego has a potent air attack and proved last week it can run the ball when it has to.

Denver's aging defense has been wearing down during the team's three-game skid, allowing an average of 13.7 points in the fourth quarter of those games. Look for an aggressive game plan from the Bolts, including some no-huddle series to keep those aging Broncos defenders on the field.

A struggling team that might be starting Chris Simms at quarterback will lose to a team playing its best football of the year? BOLD.

3. 49ers will throw at Lambeau.

Well, I guess this is pretty much guaranteed to happen. Alex Smith will at least throw it during warmups. That counts.

The Packers have two of the best cover corners in Charles Woodson and Al Harris, who have combined for seven interceptions this season. That and the fact running back Frank Gore has 278 rushing yards the past three games combined would make you think the 49ers will keep it on the ground Sunday.

...But....I guess...you're going to say they're morons or something?

However, Alex Smith has completed 64 percent of his passes over the last three weeks, and he has viable targets in wideouts Michael Crabtree and Josh Morgan and tight end Vernon Davis. Look for San Francisco to work the middle of the field early with Davis and Gore, keeping the ball away from those dangerous corners. The 49ers will also run the ball out of the shotgun formation to disguise their intentions. Once the defense is forced to move up, Smith will take some shots downfield against single coverage.

To sum it all up: These scouts are boldly predicting that the 49ers will use run and pass plays. They're going to try to balance the offense. I wonder if this will be like last year's wildcat where a bunch of other teams will see it's success and try to copy it.

4. Belichick will go for it on fourth down. After the hullabaloo this past week, we fully expect the Patriots' coach to let his offense try to convert the first fourth-and-short chance that comes up against the Jets. Belichick has taken a great deal of heat for his decision to go for it on fourth and 2 late last week, setting up the Colts' winning score.

What most fans don't know is the Pats have a history of great success on fourth down.

Yeah, stupid ones.

Last year, for example, they ranked second in the league with a 77 percent conversion rate on fourth down (17 for 22). Belichick will look to test a struggling Jets defense and stick it in the face of this week's detractors.

5. Wideouts will determine AFC East battle. New England's Laurence Maroney has a rushing TD in each of the past four games,

And a very key fumble.

and the Jets' rushing attack is the most productive in the league. But look for two wide receivers — the Patriots' Randy Moss and the Jets' Braylon Edwards — to be the key figures in this game.

One would think that this would also make their QBs important, but maybe these scouts know something that we don't.

Moss is having a strong season but was shut down by Jets corner Darrelle Revis in Week 2. Since then, Tom Brady has rebuilt the chemistry with his top target. Brady will work the fade and sideline routes, where he can take advantage of Moss' height and leaping ability. Edwards has had a tough transition in New York, especially with rookie Mark Sanchez struggling, but expect the Jets to get him involved early.

6. Look for unlikely heroes in Oakland.

Suicide bombers who blow up the stadium, killing all the Raiders and their fans?

Don't be surprised if the Raiders and Bengals get key performances from unlikely sources in their matchup. Oakland has replaced JaMarcus Russell with Bruce Gradkowski, who doesn't have a strong or especially accurate arm but is mobile and does a good job of keeping his eyes downfield while extending plays with his legs.

He also hustles real good, too. I love how they basically called him a talentless loser that can move and has full use of his eyes.

That will cause problems for a Cincinnati defense that focuses on getting upfield quickly. Meanwhile, our sources tell us Bengals newly signed Larry Johnson has gotten significant practice reps this week and could play a significant role with Cedric Benson (hip) likely out.

"They have Bernard Scott and Brian Leonard," said Johnson. "It will be moved around a little bit. I wouldn’t expect me to get a heavy load."

Good luck with that one.

8. Down with Johnson & Johnson. In the Week 2 meeting between the Titans and Texans, Tennessee's Chris Johnson had 284 total yards from scrimmage and Houston's Andre Johnson had 10 catches for 149 and two scores.

Both are elite players, but don't expect a repeat performance from either on the Monday night stage. In two games against the Texans last year, Chris Johnson had 139 rushing yards combined. And Houston hasn't allowed a 100-yard rusher since Week 3. Meanwhile, Titans cornerback Cortland Finnegan is healthy and will do a better job of keeping Andre Johnson in check.

So, I shouldn't expect Chris Johnson to run for over 12 yards per carry? THAT'S RIDICULOUS!

10. There will be points aplenty in Detroit. The Lions and Browns will battle it out for the title of NFL's worst this weekend. But instead of a dreary, slow-paced game, we expect a shootout. Detroit allows a league-worst 29.3 points per game while Cleveland isn't far behind at 25.0. Both also rank among the worst in the league in big plays allowed. Look for some momentum-swinging plays to spark both offenses.

The Browns are led by Brady Quinn and have averaged 8 points a game all season(not just three random games I decided to lump together). Detroit has averaged 15 points a game. The defenses are both bad, but so are the offenses. Expect nothing but shitty football.

I can't wait for next week's predictions!